Well, John Stuart asked for some info about how this whole international, cross-cultural marriage things works so I thought I'd say a few words....
Overall, things between Trash and I are good and not nearly as difficult as you may assume. Of course, she is not your average Korean. She was born for Western Culture. For the most part, growing up Korean has just made her more polite than most Westerners. When it comes down to it, we both grew up attending church, hanging out with friends, listening to punk rock and playing in bands. It's not that different. Sometimes there are some conflicts that arise. Trash is just Korean enough that many times she will agree with me when she doesn't want to and keeps her feelings bottled up inside. Korean men generally don't want to know what their respective others are thinking, and the women have learned to deal with that. However, Trash is also Westernized enough that over a period of time, holding everything in will cause her to flip out a little whereas most Korean woman have accepted it as part of life. We're working on that though. I think it's just hard for her to get used to the idea that my mom taught me to care about the feelings and thoughts of the woman I'm with.
The issues with her family are a little bigger. They are also a pretty progressive family. Trash had never seen her mom shakes somebody's hand before we started dating (that's right, they still bow in Korea), but her mom understood that my culture is different, and the first time we met she shook my hand. Me being a foreigner was never an issue either, which is VERY different from most Korean households. Unfortunately, her mom hardly speaks any English at all, and my Korean is very poor. Some may see that as part of the American Dream. I have a mother-in-law who can't talk to me! Haha. In some cases, that would be preferable, but my mother-in-law is pretty cool, and I really wish I could have a normal conversation with her. All of our talking goes through our interpreter, Trash. Her brother and sister speak more English than her mom, but they are still pretty self-conscious about speaking in English to a native speaker so while conversation with them is better, it's still slightly belabored.
The biggest hassle has been with the Government. Trash and I have finally finished filing all of our paperwork, and I am officially a resident of Korea. I have a new Visa (I changed from an E2 working visa to an F2 spousal visa), and with it, comes more freedom and rights. I am no longer an indentured servant to my school and can take/quit any job that I want without notifying anyone. It's great to finally be at that point.
I'm sure we will find more differences in our cultural upbringings in the coming year, but thus far, we have overcome all the differences we have found. I don't see that changing.
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3 comments:
....and Mom is very proud of you for treating your gal with the utmost honor and respect! :-) I cannot wait to meet Jeong-ah in person!
~mom
yes! brilliant, my son. honored you would credit me with the post. i guess that means i just more annoying that other readers maybe. still am wondering, though, does Trash speak pretty good English then? why is hers better than her family's? AND one more, if i may. where are you guys gonna live? any long term ideas there? happy holidays, mate!
trash's english is great. she still consistently makes small grammar errors, but it rarely interferes with understanding her. considering that she taught herself english, it's a pretty amazing feat. she had a few scattered english classes growing up, but has spent the last 4 years studying on her own. her english is so much better than the rest of her family's for a few reasons. she's spent more time studying on her own. she has many foreign friends. she listens to a lot of foreign music and watches foreign movies. plus, she spends most of her free time with me. her english has improved immensely since we started dating (at first, talking on the phone was hard and i could rarely understand her text messages. haha.) as for where we'll live...the plan is to spend another year or so in korea, and then move back to the states, but we'll see where the economy and exchange rate are at that point.
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